The 3rd Surgery

I really should update!!  I never realized that I would be getting views on this blog!  I did end up getting a third surgery and they used cartilage this time.  It's been 4 months and so far seems intact!!  I'm waiting on month 6 however. 

I think I just stopped using this blog to write about it because the feelings of going through it all again were pretty much the same.   After having gone through it before I was better prepared for what to expect.  I anticipated the loneliness and the cabin fever and was better prepared with my distractions.  Also, I made sure to have my favorite soups, drinks, pops, arrange for people to come over to visit me...  So the painful aspects of it like recovery sort of becomes just a timed process.  Like, I knew it sucked and I would vent and rant about it occasionally to understanding friends, but also had the peace of knowing that it does get better and that I would bounce back. 

I used this blog to vent during my recovery but it also became a means to compare my surgeries.  I found out that the third one was not as bad as the first time, but not as good as the second time.  Sooo for anyone reading this about to do the surgery for yourself,  hang in there!!  The hardest part is waiting for it to be done, and the long stretches of time where you feel alert but too poopy to do anything about it.  I recommend surrounding yourself with distractions and asking your friends to send you encouraging messages.  It really does help!

I'll try to check back here more often and answer any questions if you have them :)

~6 months post surgery

So some sad news... During Thanksgiving Break I had some weird sensations with my ear that my doctor at the time attributed to sinus congestion. Well, I went to the doctor last week and he said that the eardrum graft totally failed (gave me no reasons why) with addition of another hole caused by the graft itself. My hearing has dwindled to about 30% of my good side. I've been trying to not let this depress me because the whole surgery procedure was stressful, upsetting, and uncomfortable for it to amount to absolutely nothing if not worse situation... So I've given myself some time to recover from the news and meditate with my emotions and I've decided to see a second specialist. I'm also doing some researching of my own. Depending on what the specialist says, I might be having a second surgery.

I might need to be more strict in my recovery months post-surgery. Doc always said that I could travel, exercise, run, lift weights. But could that have also weakened it? I'm reading up on cartilage tympanoplasty instead of fascia. Doc had mentioned cartilage but was more optimistic about fascia working.

I never wrote about this but between my last entry and 2 weeks ago, I experienced great hearing again. I forgot about posting in this blog because I felt great and fantastic. I could hear in surround sound, I could do all the things I used to do, I was myself again. But then it's been taken away and replaced with tones, pounding sensations, and decreased hearing. My hearing is worse than before the surgery. When I exercise I hear clicking noises.. that makes me uncomfortable.

I let myself be upset about this, but I also try to distract. I've gotta move on. It's just.. so..frustrating...

Day 39 - 5 Weeks + 4 days

It's been awhile.  Updates are less frequent because the changes have been so very gradual.  My decreased hearing is no longer as noticeable.  A large part of that is because I've gotten used to it.  When I talk, I notice the difference.  It's my own voice, muffled, that gives it away.  At night, there's a sensation and a lot of movement, but I've gotten used to that too.  I'm aware of it, but it doesn't wake me up.

Lately, I don't know if it's because I discovered my cotton ball was wet after a shower, it's been a bit tender.  Occasionally sore.  Sometimes itchy.

After approval from my doctor, I went on a four day vacation.  One day required that we drive up into the low mountains.  The elevation was around 800 feet.  Even though it was way below what I prepared for, it still felt a bit uncomfortable and oddly noticeable in both ears!

I hate remembering the immediate post-surgery.  I try not to think about how much more awful this all was last month.  Yet in perspective, I can say that I feel like 95% of my former self.  The crutch of elevation and hesitance regarding straws (even though I've been told I can drink with them).

And again, I just hope this was all worth it.

Day 28 - 4 Weeks

Very slow changes that are noticeable only when I compare myself to last week.  I'm doing more exercise--can handle being on an elliptical for 40 minutes.  So my energy level is going back up.

I can't handle loud noises very well, makes me very uncomfortable.  I went to a bar for trivia night on tuesday and had to leave when the host was screaming into the microphone.  However, going to the movies is fine.  Sometimes it feels very poppy in my ear especially at night when I'm lying down.  My incision scar is itchy sometimes but I dont even want to touch it.  The inside of my ear is itchy sometimes.  Yesterday I felt a very ticklish sensation like a hair getting in there, and when I touched the spot some chunks (spongy and dark red) packing sloughed out of my ear.  It was a little bit gross but I'm getting used to it.

It's still annoying to talk because I can hear my own voice loudly and distracting.  But today, I tried listening with both sides of the headphones ...  and was delighted to experience a little bit of surround sound.  

Day 21 - 3 Weeks

(written yesterday but forgot to post) So now three weeks have gone by since the surgery.  Between this day and last week, the only difference has been my energy level and the amount of popping noises I experience.

I'll be trying to increase my activity level and go to the gym today.  Next week I'll try running in the morning.  I know it will feel good, I just hope it doesn't become uncomfortable.

edt:  Did 45 minutes of elliptical and I was exhausted like I just ran a half marathon.  I felt shitty for the rest of the day.  Might also been because it was hot (100C) and I was hungry tho.

Day 18

Today is the 4th day of having a full active day.  Previously I was exhausted, but now I'm starting to last longer.  I still need to drink coffee to get through the day, however.

A small part of gaining more energy came from doing routine normal thing I would do if I did not have this procedure recovery like driving to work and going to meetings.  A major part of gaining more energy was doing things with friends.  One friend drove all the way up from bay area (1  hour away) to spend time with me.  My other friend convinced me to dress up for Wizard World comic con.  Funny how dressing like another person made me feel more like myself again.  We ended up meeting up with her friends.  It was a very good full day full of good vibes.  I was physically exhausted by the end of it, but very content with positive mental energy.  At some point during the day, my ear cleared up just a bit for me to hear better.  A little ray of sunlight.

The next day (yesterday) a small chunk of packing/dried blood came out of my ear.  It was very gross and I wasn't sure if I should have messed with it (I was trying to scratch around it because it was so itchy).  I hear slightly better?  Maybe?

The inside of my ear itches on and off.  Pain sometimes, but longer intervals in between.  My ear lobe has feeling, but sometimes it's like the moments after you stop sitting on your foot.  Tingly when I touch it.

I biked for about 45 minutes yesterday too.  It felt very good.

Day 14 - 2 weeks

I haven't been posting much because nothing's been changing.  Still feel tired all the time, still can't hear anything.  The numbness of my ear goes away in the morning, but returns at night.  I occasionally have pain.

Today's the second day I've tried to be at work for a half day.  Sometimes I feel dizzy when I'm sitting in the office chair.  I have to close my eyes and cover my face.  It's really hard to concentrate on what people are saying especially when multiple people are talking.  I'm not able to discern between volume and layers of voices.  It all sounds flat.  Merged layer of sounds, noisy.  On these days I came home exhausted.  Today I took a 3 hour nap.  It's taking a lot out of me to be optimistic.. but really I'm just doing whatever i can to distract myself from my condition.